stonedtrees

A wave of serenity creeps over my body

I am so excited. Super motivated even. These decisions will change everything. Forward progression will resume, priorities channeled and opportunities handled.

No longer will I sit comfy in my vegetable state of living that I’ve grown accustomed to. I can’t. I’m too antsy, too freaking antsy. Antsy to live more, and get more out of these days that pass by ever so fucking quickly.

I gave up the tumblr obsession months ago (reading my dashboard that is) and as sad as it is to say, because honestly, it’s a lame internet blogging epidemic of idiotic ideologies, it was the greatest thing I could have done. My days were mine again. I wasn’t addicted to endless scrolling and laughing at the same ten posts that were reblogged by the same ten unoriginal people. I didn’t feel the “need” to reblog something random crafted by someone else, because it made me LOL, or felt it represented part of me. It’s unfortunate that so many ignorant self-obsessed people have ruined what could have been a great blogging platform since Live Journal, but I will admit that there is still genius out there in tumblrland, there are those epic people to follow, but I’d say that’s about 15% of the population that use tumblr. 

But this isn’t about the internet and how it can suck one in. There are other things in my life, that instead of granting me a freedom I used to relish in, are now holding me back somewhat. And I’m perfectly content with that realization. I’m on a quest to not only improve my financial situation, my life plans and career goals, but I’m on a quest to improve me.

I’m a full believer that there is always room for reinvention, there needs to be. We are human, we are constantly growing, changing, and evolving, so naturally, our priorities and goals will shift along the way. But I’m tired and bored, and realizing that I need to do a whole lot more in order to get to where I want to be sooner in this lifetime. 

Where did this all come from? Falling flat on my face. Also known as, the reality of bills and trying to save up for a house and finally create that family and career I’ve dreamt of for so long.

So, happily I say, Goodbye wasted days, wasted money, and forgotten dreams.

And excitedly I yell, HELLO opportunities, steps forward, money in my pocket and savings account, all while focusing on making those forgotten dreams a reality again. 

At this point, I am unstoppable. Only I can stop myself, and this time, I’m pushing myself more than ever. Some of the people I’ve met along my journey have inspired me to find the better in myself, because after seeing their mess of an existence, I refuse to ever, EVER, be like them. I am my own. No longer will others control my days, my moods, my finances, or the steps I take on my own path. I’m taking it ALL back now. 

And trust me, it’s not that I’ve had some epiphany and I believe I need to change certain things because they are “bad” for me or “bad” in the eyes of others, I do not believe I do “bad” things. However, I am smart enough and STRONG enough to recognize when it’s time to change some habits and reassess my priorities. I will always still be the same old me, but this time, I’m taking the restraints off. I’m sick of keeping my mouth shut, sick of allowing people to step all over me, accuse me of bullshit lies, when the sad fact is, they are the ones who can’t accept and love themselves and that right there inspires me to love and treat myself better. 

So, no. No epiphany here. I’ve simply woken up a little more, became a little more aware of my world and the potential that’s been dangling in front of my face since I was born.

and in creeps the morning and another day’s lost

thinking of taking a hiatus from the obsessive need to keep scrolling through my tumblr dash, and the urge to constantly reblog something, anything, just because i like it. it takes up too much of my time. way too much. it’s almost worse than television. rotting my brain. i miss creating, that’s what i enjoyed doing most when i got high, i would use my journals, sharpies, paint, anything i could get my hands on, leaving smudges of color or graphite everywhere, including my face. i never used to sit on my couch, macbook on my lap, constantly scrolling. i admit, there are fantastically hilarious amazing simply fucking awesome things on tumblr, hence the NEED to reblog such things. but i’ve grown annoyed with the addiction. i remember when i would spend my free hours frantically creating as my mind expanded and danced, since when did i become such a blob? i blame my laptop. but it’s my life force. one of many actually. but another life force of mine was and still is, my art. i need to stop observing and copying and pasting (aka reblogging) and start creating from scratch again, raw art stemming from emotion and the natural world that surrounds me, the very thing with all it’s creatures that inspires me consistently. that’s the only reason i need to stop scrolling. art.  

and with that i’m done.

over and out. i’lll continue to post random thoughts and my own mary jane photography still, since this is the only place i can share such work. other than that, my creative work is all over the place, tidbits here and there, pretty much everywhere. 

i feel you in my heart, and i don’t even know you, and now we’re saying bye, bye, bye.